by Nancy D. on 09/09/18
I've been undergoing my own struggles with releasing this site. Putting my thoughts and feelings into a blog and releasing them out to the world is quite frightening. I've been working with a small group of two other women who took the same certification course I just took for Trauma, and we have all been struggling with a failure to launch.
Each one of us has gifts and talents that we highly respect in the other. Probably all of us are thinking about the other, "wow, she has this more than I, she should be putting herself out there., they both have a great niche, but what about mine?". People would really benefit from her knowledge in this area". Yet, we fail to do that, because of some internal fear of our own vuneralability.
Perhaps it's the failure to show up in our own lives, somehow. We are all used to showing up in everyone else's life around us, doing for them, making sure they have everything they need to successfully get through the day. Yet, probably none of us receive that same help. Sure, our partners all go out to work their respective jobs, but no one is making sure my bed is made, or my laundry is done, or whether I've taken my cold medicine, or whether the house is clean or gauging whether I'm upset or have had a bad day. I do that for everyone else, but am struggling to launch a website for myself. How crazy is that?
Perhaps, it's because we think the only people who believe in us are ourselves? We've been so conditioned to look after everyone else's needs, requiring no assistance with our own, that it has brainwashed our core values to believe the lies: We aren't worthy? We shouldn't have any needs? We shouldn't ask for help? These businesses are for us. My website is for me, my business is for me, my passion for what I want to do in life is for me. Why is that so frightening? Why do I feel so intimidated by the outside world that I cannot open up and share with them what thoughts I have in my mind. The ideas and lessons that I have learned? Why can't I open up and expose myself? What is stopping me?
The people I respect the most in the world are the vunerable ones. The ones that aren't afraid to put their real selves out there. I am real with my friends I talk too, with people I meet. Perhaps, this is a side of myself that has been on such a personal journey for so long, that it's hard to go out there and make it public.
I'm desperitely trying to find the answer so I can push forward and "be".
I think, it's the fear I'll make a mistake. I'm terrified of social media and not knowing how everything functions on blogs, websites, twitter and facebook..It's all so overwhelming. I need someone to explain all of this to me so I can have a clear understanding of how it works in my mind, so I'll know what I am exposing and to who. I need to feel safe. That's it. I need to feel safe and in control of the things I do, the information that I put out there, and the anonimity that I want for myself and for others. I need to feel safe.
Well, I guess I found the answer to my problem. I guess I'll be launching that website now, finally... :)