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Making Changes

by Nancy D. on 09/07/18

I always noticed when I was in Al-anon meetings, that the meetings were habitually smaller grouped or you'd see some people in a meeting for a couple of months, then they would disappear after a while, never to be seen again.  Every now and again, they may show back up for a small stint of time, but then be gone again.  

I was always disappointed, because I had just gotten to know them at a pretty decent level and poof, just like that, they are gone.  I'm no stranger any more to not showing up  to meetings either, but life has shifted somewhat for me and I do a lot of babysitting for my grandchildren.  Their parents work long, 12 hour days and I have them well into the evening.  Most meetings begin at 7 to 8 in my area and by the time the parent has picked up the child, my meeting is all but over.  

I still practice my program of recovery.  I pray, I read, I listen to You Tube videos on subjects that interest me, but I don't feel like I make a lot of "changes" anymore.  When I first began Al-anon, I felt like I was practicing a change of some kind at least on a week by week basis.  Now, I don't feel like that.  I know I need to change my diet, which would require research into some recipies that might be healthy.  I need to lose weight, so a brisk walk would be good or using the equipment I have upstairs to try and get back in shape, would be easy to do, one would think.

Probably for the same reason people don't come back to meetings, is the reason that I don't work out with the equipment at my immediate disposal.    It's that "doing it for me" thing that seems to stop me in my tracks.  

People attend Al-anon and other self help programs, for the self.  That may not be why they went in, but it sure is why you stay.  Why then, is it so hard to do those things on a consistent basis that would actually help one feel better?  Meetings are supposed to help us feel better.  Proper diet and exercise help us feel better, but for some reason, are the hardest things to do for some of us.

Perhaps, that is where I'm dropping the ball in my recovery.  I've accomplished a lot of self work.  I practice the 12 steps on a daily basis.  I have changed as a result, and for the better.  But once I'm practicing that, I shouldn't have the right to rest on my laurels.  I need to practice self care in a different way.  I've gotten the book smarts of the program, I've even done a LOT of the action.....and now, I think, I need to continue to push myself to do that which doesn't come naturally to me.

For me, that is two avenues, one is working out and eating healthy. The other is putting myself out there to do the business I have been training to do and am very capable of.

So, those will be my new goals, to walk the walk and keep a promise to myself to try and become my best self through doing what I love as a business,  and taking care of my physical body better.  

I wonder what we could become if we did those basic things for ourselves, how powerful would that be? 

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