by Nancy D. on 09/07/18
I was reading from Language of Letting Go this morning, and today's reading was about procrastination. I've been working on this concept for a while and push myself to stop doing it. I find that I am struggling to put my website out there. It's like a "failure to launch".
When I first became enamored about the subject of addiction, I began setting up this page with the help of a friend. I have old blog post enteries from April of 2012. It is now 2018. I never finalized my website then and I have a problem putting myself out there now. With all of the classes and certifications, dvd's books and self-study that I constantly do, and have under my belt, there is still that voice in my head that wants me to believe that "I'm not ready" "I don't know enough or have forgotten what I learned or am inadequate to help someone else".
I've notice that part of my procrastination normally involves things for myself. I would never procrastinate in helping someone, or being there for someone else or doing for someone else. If I was supposed to publish this site for my boss, it would have been done in 2012 when I began this journey. It is now 2018.
For all of the bad things that pop in my head, I have to remember my accomplishments. I have raised two children, I have suceeded in every job I've had, many I have self taught myself with little to no training when I went into them. I have started my own business years ago and ran it sucessfully enough to feed and cloth two kids and get them through school. I have paid my bills on time. I am a homeowner, never late to my mortgage payment. I have nurtured and cared for 100's of animals in my life, and two elderly relatives until they passed away. I am a grandmother, who is loved very much by her grandchildren and they love to be around me. I have a close family unit with my adult children. I have close, very personal friends who trust me with some of their biggest secrets....and yet, I don't trust myself enough to publish this website for myself.
I'm afraid someone will know more than I do, and the truth is, many do. I'm afriad that people will wonder why I think I have some sort of great knowledge in this area, which I do have a lot of knowledge from experience and obtaining some certifications, but there is always more to learn.
The truth is, I don't have to know it all right now. I can share what I know and as I learn more, I can share that, then too. Like this poor website, I'm a work in progress and it may not be absolutely perfect, or as good as someone else's or provide tons of information that someone else's does, but it's where I am, right now and I can begin from there.